“Why do you think you’re better than me?”

Growing up as a young woman I have heard that question many times from other women.

It used to catch me totally off guard. I would wonder, what I was doing to make these women think that I think I’m better than them? Do they not see my low self esteem? Do they not recognize that I am just trying to convince myself that I’m good enough?

It was never, ever my intention to make another woman feel like I think I’m better than her, because it’s simply not true. The truth is that, I am a high achieving young adult who is motivated for success by my lack of self esteem and an entrenched feeling of “not being good enough”.

My relationship with other women, growing up, has always been complicated.

To give you all some context, as a young girl I was always the athletic, tom boy type. I got along with the guys just as well as the girls. I was the type to want to excel in everything I do. I got good grades, was apart of every girl’s sports team at school, and loved to participate in school plays.

Every circle of girlfriend’s I made always started out great. Like best friends. But eventually, over time, I would start to notice red flags. Like a friend getting upset because I might be dressed better, downplaying my achievements, making me the butt of the joke, throwing shade disguised as jokes and always trying to “humble me”.

What would really throw me off is that 1on1 I would feel like these women were my sisters. But, when we were around our group of friends, I would notice the change in behaviour towards me specifically.

I didn’t understand it. I used to question myself why? Why me? Maybe I’m just too sensitive? Maybe I’m looking into these things too much?

For years, I would wonder what I was doing wrong. What was I doing to bring on this type of energy from other women? I just couldn’t understand it. 

As someone who enjoys studying human behaviour, including my own. I spent hours upon hours researching, trying to learn more about what I was observing amongst the women around me. And just women in general.

And what I learned was that, women are always in competition with one another. 

From my experience, women don’t want to see another woman be prettier, smarter, more attractive, more kind, more talented, just better than her in any way period.

Women are competitive with one another. We are all competing for the same thing, essentially, which is ultimately, the attention of a high value man and the lifestyle that comes with it.

And of course your definition of what is “high value” changes over time with age. As a kid its the most handsome, popular guy at school. As an adult it is a man with high earning potential, strong character and values.

Sisterhood, is something I always craved for. And don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced what sisterhood could be like with friends, temporarily, but unfortunately, in my experience, those friendships always turn negative due to competition and jealousy.

So what is sisterhood in the first place?

To me, sisterhood is about the bond and connection you share with other women who you can identify with.

Sisterhood is important because women need emotional support. Only another woman, can truly understand the experience of a woman. 

You can try to explain the woman’s experience to a man, but they will never truly understand to the same degree that another woman can. 

When going through tough times, whether its in your relationship, career, family etc. Having a sisterhood that you can rely on for emotional support and advice goes a long way and is healing on a soul level.

Every woman’s dream is to have a handsome high earning husband, beautiful children, and a happy home.

There are very few men who can give a woman this type of lifestyle. And so women compete for these type of men. 

The more attractive you are as a woman, the higher your chances are of getting these type of men. And the more other women will hate you. Unfortunately, that is just how the game goes.

They will hate you if you are attractive, feminine, smart, talented, kind, basically everything and anything a high value man is looking for in a partner.

They will tear you down to anyone who will listen, they will throw shade disguised as jokes. Don’t underestimate how far these people will go to bring you down so that they can feel better about themselves.

They will hate you for possessing qualities that they don’t because subconsciously they believe it threatens their chances of getting a high value man.

If you are a high value woman, be prepared to walk alone.

Understand and accept that you will threaten most women, they will not like you, they will try to tear you down.

The best thing to do is to distance yourself from these type of women. The type of women who are insecure, the “unhappy and unlucky”, avoid them like the plague. This way they cannot harm you, project onto you, or bring down your spirit.

And most importantly. Keep doing you. Trust your gut. And eventually the right tribe will find you.